Saturday, August 24, 2013

Oh how times have changed.

It has been a while since I have last blogged.
I have had a lot of things change in my life recently and I am so excited about them.

First, I got a new job that has already begun to change my life. I love everyone I work with and the kiddos are super great. I get to do the one thing I know in my life that I can do. I finally feel that I have my life back after losing my job almost 5 years ago. This is the first time in my life that i am starting to feel normal and not depressed about my job situation.

There are many things I have learned in these last 5 years. I have learned how to live on very little money. I have learned what needs I have and the wants I wish I had. I have been very blessed to have a God that takes care of his people. He has taken care of me in so many different ways. When I lost my job and insurance I have never had to have any major medical procedures done. I haven't needed the attention of a dr. I have a very nice place to live. I have a roof over my head and a car to get to work. I will now be able to save money for whatever my future holds. I never realized how much of myself I lost when I didn't have my job anymore. I thought that was exactly what I was supposed to be doing... I know that I am now in the right field and working with people who are on my team. I know that I was placed in the right spot, in the right time. God always has a plan and his plan is always better then mine.    In the last 2 weeks I have been more tired then I can ever remember being. I have been super busy with both working 2 jobs and with school. I have been able to manage everything pretty well, although I need to sleep more. That is partially my own fault.

Second, I have met an amazing man and he is really changing my life. He is very sweet and joins in with my weirdness :)
I have started to get over my own issues I have had with past relationships and just move on toward the better. I didn't realize how many self-esteem issues I had until i got back into a relationship. It is really funny how the past comes sneaking back up on you when you aren't expecting it.

I have 8 classes left until I get my degree and I can't wait for that day when I get to graduate with my degree and see what the world has to offer.
I have no idea what I am going to do or where life is going to take me, all i know is that I am just along for the ride.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Diary of a runner.

Never in a million years would I look at myself and say, yeah. that girls a runner.

In the last 3 weeks I have been doing the C25k running app. It has been a struggle. Last week was definitely a struggle. It was the longest spurt of running I think i have ever done in my life and I thought I was going to fall. 

I am beginning to think that I might have asthma. I know the difference between my body being out of breath and that weird feeling of "I can't breathe and that phlegm that forms when you have asthma." all of this to say that I WILL be pushing forward and I WON'T stop running. It is such a free feeling being able to run and, yes I still giggle, and yes, at times my body does hurt during the process, but man does my body feel so much better afterward. 

I went yesterday for a run and when I got home I was so pumped I could have taken over the world. I feel so much better being active. It is amazing that all this time i didn't think that being active and healthy was a good idea. 

I look forward to getting up every morning and going to boot camp and going for a run. 


Saturday, June 1, 2013

it is strange how our bodies change.

So in the last few weeks I have really started to see/feel a change in my body. I can see the muscle definition and I can feel it internally and externally. I haven't weighed myself in almost a week and I have some mixed feelings about it.
I know that it is a good thing for me right now, to wait another 6 weeks until getting on a scale. I will be disappointed and I don't want that. I am feeling so good right now that I don't want to ruin it. I didn't get upset about the changes that are happening inside, so out of sight, out of mind.
That has to be one of the most frustrating things about weight loss. To top it all off, it seems like I am not losing weight as fast as everyone else and when I look in the mirror I see the same girl 145 pounds ago.
I did go a get new bathing suits, which are 3 sizes smaller then last summer, and new dresses that are a size smaller. That is definitely a plus. I know that the scale hasn't changed as much as I would like, but my body is changing and that is all that matters. I know that the scale will catch up eventually.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013 whats the big deal?

Hello fellow bloggers and dieters! Or should I say life style changers!

 It has definitely been a while since I last blogged. Oh, so many things have been happening and changing that I can't even contain my excitement!!

On March 18th, 2013 I made the biggest change in my life, weight loss wise. I signed up for Cross fit. HOLY CWAP!! I was terrified. What did I just sign up for? There is no way I am going to be be able to do this. I am way TOO FAT for this. Up until that point I had been very frustrated with my rate of loss and was ready to just say, "well kid, you made it this far, and thats as far as you're going to go." NO!! that was not the truth. We had joined Weight Watchers the day after Sharon's party and in a month I had lost 5 pounds. Stupid Damn! I was so mad. I worked my butt off, and some of you know just how insane I can be when it comes to working out and how obsessive I get about my food and making sure I eat the right stuff, at the right time. It seemed like all my effort was just a rat race. I cried several nights that I was convinced I was just going to be stuck here and not ever make it to my final goal. (which at this point, seemed so far away I didn't like to think about it.)

We walked into Fit Body Bootcamp that monday night and that is when EVERYTHING changed. yes, I was intimidated to the heavens. But I got this feeling in my soul that it was going to be ok. I had Jack and Sharon by my side and I felt I could do anything. (at this moment I would like to say, again, just how grateful I am to have them in my life.) They took our measurements and weight and then we had to fill out our goals. I knew them without any hesitation. 1. kick this plateau 2. lose 30 pounds before summer 3. build my endurance

Seems easy enough, right? Yes, it actually was. Now, I'm not saying that the assessment was easy by any means. It wasn't. It kicked my butt. I thought I was going to pass out. Up until that night I didn't even know what a burpee was. Boy did i find out, and now I am a pro. I was so unprepared too. I had just had dinner, and was wearing jeans and a sweater. Not workout gear.

We started taking classes and the first week I was convinced I was going to just die, right then and there in that room with all those other people. guess what? I didn't. I am actually more fit then I gave myself credit for. Sure, I had to modify things at the beginning. Until last week I couldn't even do a real push up. I can now. Im up to 10!!! That is HUGE for me.

You are probably wondering what any of this has to do with paleo. It has everything to do with it. When I first heard of the Paleolithic diet I thought it was honestly, a load of (in little haileys words) CWAP. I didn't really understand it and it seemed like a lot of work. Well, with our new membership to Fit Body Bootcamp, we got a menu and food plan that was in fact just that, Paleo. When I first read,
I was ready to say, Nope, not gonna happen.
Well, I stopped being a jerk and we tried it. 3 weeks. only eating, veggies, lean protein and the occasional carb for breakfast and lunch as per our meal plan. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be... I did miss having fruit in the morning, but I came to find out that I am really dependent on sugar and not having it has actually helped to curb cravings. Well, now we are 6 weeks into this new life change and I can say, in these last 6 weeks I have learned so much about my own body and how it uses food for fuel. I am eating clean and loving it. I do have a cheat here and there, but I have to be careful as dairy is now my enemy. I miss cheese so much, but I know that my body is doing better without it. It is a horrible protein source and that is what i was using it for. There is so much fat that it's not worth eating. Not to mention how processed it is. I even tried soy cheese.. NO THANK YOU. I will just go without it. I do miss ranch dressing too. It is not worth the results.... so lets get to those!

Well, as i mentioned earlier, I had only lost 5 pounds with weight watchers. Doing their system. Following their rules. I was not successful. I felt discouraged. It was not working... Well, here we are 6 weeks later. and I have lost 33 pounds and over 12 inches over all. My body is beginning to tone and looks/feels so different. Not just from the workout but from what I've been eating. I am sleeping better, I feel better. I don't have any tummy problems (unless i have dairy) I don't have heartburn, (if you have read my previous blogs you know the battle i had and how i almost lost my voice permanently) I don't get headaches anymore, and I have a ton of energy. I look forward to getting up at 4:30am everyday to workout. even when i am horribly exhausted. I love it. It starts my day off on a good foot and I feel myself getting healthier and stronger everyday. I have found so many different ways to make food that is good for you and taste delicious. Yes, there are times when I just want to have something that isn't that great for me and i sit back and think "karilee, you know that if you eat that you will feel horrible and it will take even longer to get to your goal, so is the sacrifice grater than the goal?" NOPE!! it is never too much. the goal is so much more then what I have to give up. I have a new relationship with food. We are now friends, working together to make my life better. Not as a reward or as something i need to help with my depression or feelings. That is the biggest hurdle to overcome. What am I actually feeling right now? and I tired/bored/or actually hungry? I look forward to cooking and I know what will help me toward my goal. I have found new foods that I do actually like, after giving them a fair shot.

It has now been 15 months since I decided to take my life back and use it for what I know God has called me to do. In 15 months I have successfully lost and kept off 141.4 pounds as of this morning. That is an entire person. I basically lost a Maxwell. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around that number anymore. It terrifies and uplifts me in the same breath. How could I do this to myself? it was all me. No one else is responsible for this but me. I am the one that closet ate, and made excuses as to why i needed to eat this and that and why i didn't need to go to the gym that day. I still have about 150 more to lose. That is to get me into a healthy weight range. I don't even know what that is going to look like.

I had a friend, who isn't heavy, ask me why i just don't have weight loss surgery. Well, lets see. There are many statistics of the things that can go WRONG while in surgery and the recovery time is horrible. and quite frankly, I ain't got time for that! Do you know my life? Hello, Max waits for no man. Not to mention, the types of medical problems that can come from it. I am a fan of my gallbladder thank you very much as well as my beautiful head of hair. :) Rapid weight loss is so bad for your organs, and hair, I didn't want to do that. I also took a good hard look at myself and my life. I had to know that I could get my eating under control and surgery is a copout. it is an easy fix for a much more complex problem. I don't look down on others who have had it, I just hope that they actually stick with it and they are being safe and healthy. For me, weight loss isn't about being skinny. It is about being healthy and strong. That is what I am. I am healthy and strong. I will never be a size 2, unless, by the grace of God he shrinks these hips of mine. I am content in that.

I can't express how great it is to be able to cross my legs!!! something so simple. Crossing my legs. I can do that now. its amazing. i can bend over without dying. I can move with ease. my body doesn't hurt all the time. and lets talk about my back for a min. I have spinal stenosis. It is HORRIBLY PAINFUL. There were times it took me 20 mins to get out of bed. I could barely move. I took so many pain pills im sure my liver is glad im getting better. I have my life back!

Monday, January 14, 2013

2013... here's to health and fitness

I wrote this on MFP, however I realize that not everyone has MFP and many have asked me how I am doing what Im doing.... so here it is. read up friends. I also love comments and questions. :)

I have reexamined my goals for this year. I am looking at my weight loss as 3 separate phases. Last year was phase 1.

Phase 1: Getting my eating under control. Watching what I ate and learning how to cook for myself in a new and healthy way and cut out fast/fried foods as much as possible. Not eating out isn't completely possible for me. I am very busy and spend a lot of time away from home. i needed to teach myself that there are places to eat that aren't unhealthy and reasonably priced. Even taking the extra time to go into a grocery store to get a healthy snack from time to time. Once I learned how to make eating fun and what made my body feel good versus eating because I was upset or unhappy, (which is why im here in the first place) and learn that food is fuel to grow and get strong. I still have "junk" from time to time, now I find things to do when I am upset like run or go to the gym instead of filling my body with food it doesn't need. Phase 1 also consisted of learning how to balance all the new information of food and incorporate exercise as well. I didn't workout for almost 2 months of Phase 1. I solely focused on food. What and when to eat. by the way, when you eat consistently, you will lose weight. your body doesn't feel like its starving and will WILLINGLY give up the extra fat, trust me, it doesn't want it either. :)

During Phase 1 I learned to LOVE exercise and being active. I really do love being active. its great. I love the way I feel after a great workout or even taking my little dogs for a walk. Fresh air and endorphins will change your life. In 2004 I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis. It causes my back sever pain daily. I have a hard time getting out of bed, walking, and even bending. My doctor told me to not workout because I could actually harm myself more if i did any type of running or anything, so for years I didn't do anything active or physical. STUPID ME. I went to a chiropractor who told me a different story. He asked me if i ever had wanted to be in a wheelchair forever. I looked at him with a huge puzzled look on my face. He said that if I didn't lose weight, (which i knew) and start moving I was going to end up morbidly obese and in a chair forever. NO THANKS. It helps to have a plan and people who will keep you on the plan. With the help of a few of my friends, I started this journey and actually admitted to myself, out loud that I had a huge weight problem and needed to fix it. This is where phase 1 came into play. Here is phase one in steps.

1. look at what you are currently eating. Is is good? Healthy? pure crap?
2. How many calories are you eating daily? are the good or bad? are you DRINKING most of your calories (sodas, high calorie fruit drinks, etc?)  WHEN IN DOUBT, DRINK WATER.
3. What SHOULD you be eating? According to your weigh, personal health reasons (allergies, food restrictions, diabetes, etc)
4. How can you incorporate more fruits and veggies and LEAN protein into your daily meals? ( adding fruit and veggies will help fill you up without taking your calories along with it.) What is your current intake of Carbs and Fats, Proteins? How should they be changed to make sure you are getting the right vitamins. etc?
5. research new, healthy recipes. Make a weekly or even daily menu of the foods you WILL eat. You know what your day looks like, and if you are like me, you like to have a routine. This is great for a new lifestyle change.  Start to cook and prepare foods at home and take them with you when you know you won't be home to make food. Buy a lunch pale and ice packs. this isn't a temporary buy, invest in your future health.
6. start off SLOW! don't try everything all at once, one thing at a time. the slower the better. When we rush things, we tend to be overwhelmed and this only leads to frustration and discouragement.
7. Get moving. Take the stairs, park farther away at the store, take an extra trip pushing the cart. Make your life inconvenient . Making these little changes will have big returns later on. Walking is good for the body and soul. Take your dog and just walk. Get some good music and you won't even notice how far you've gone.
8. Make goals that you can DO! sometimes we want to make goals that are so far out of reach, i wonder why we do this?  Making big goals isn't bad, but make steps or goals within goals that will help push you toward that goal. again, slow and steady.
9.Find a friend you share these goals with. Have them keep you accountable and push you when you don't stay on track.
10. everyone will fail at some point. we all have cravings, emotions, and sometimes life just happens. Don't look at step backs as bad things, look at them as stepping stones pushing you forward.

I am now onto Phase 2 of this journey. Phase 2 for me is all about pushing myself beyond where i was last year. This time last year I was just beginning to figure this all out. Now I am going to push the limit. i want to be a close to my end goal as possible. That means doing things I don't really like to. I have new fitness goals for this year:
1. run in a half marathon!!
2. complete 90 days of cross fit.
3. walk to and from the gym- run even

So far these are the things I am working toward. I have my eating under control. i still have struggles when i'm not feeling my best to not eat my best, however I am VICTORIOUS over emotional
eating. ( thank you GOd! )

Phase 2 is all about completion. I still have around 120 more pounds that I want to lose. This is taking into consideration that I am rather muscular for being a big girl. My trainer was actually surprised by how strong I am and that I am almost more muscle then fat!! YAHOO!! I have more of a size that I want to be by the end of the year then a number on the scale. I am taller and have a wider frame and have no expectations of being a size 2. I feel that a size 10 is completely doable. I'm now between a 22/24 so that is definitely in my sights. I haven't figured out a shirt size as my boobs have a mind of their own and we will see where we are by the end.
This phase is all about the business of fitness. I am young and my body is able to do this stuff whether it wants to or not. Mind of matter.

Phase 3 is maintenance. This is where I will take my new lifestyle and continue in becoming more fit. Not so much about losing weight, but keeping homeostasis. Working out regularly and eating food consistently that is on my plan and not wavering. I will continue to weigh myself once a month and have a +/- 5 pound buffer above or below my goal weight. always remember that muscle and water weight are normal and happen to everyone. don't be discouraged by these things. Focus on your goals and everything will fall into place.