Sunday, November 18, 2012

its been a while.

I just realized that I haven't blogged for almost 2 months. Where has the time gone? I can say that I am doing so much better weight loss wise. I have gotten a great routine going and am sticking to it. I do dance 3 times a week and try to go to the gym 5 days a week. I am now down 89.7 pounds. im almost to my goal of 100 pounds lost. We shall see how well that goes after thanksgiving dinner. going to the gym a ton this week and all the way up until christmas. My goal is the total 100 by January 5th which is my anniversary date.

We shall see. I am going back to being white flour free after thanksgiving. I know that it helped me lose.

Monday, September 10, 2012


There are so many contributing factors to life isn't there?
We all go through our day to day lives and we learn and grow.

I am starting to feel as though I have my fire back!
I have gotten my crazy eating under control and am
ready to keep losing!
Isn't that so fun, LOSING?
This has to be the only time when losing something
is completely positive!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

a fresh new look

Hello Blog Land!
It has been a while since I have posted a new entry.
I have had to rethink my goals and get a fresh start.
I have gotten a bit distracted. Now, its time to move
forward and look forward to losing that 25 pounds I
want gone before Jan 9th.
I believe it is important to set realistic goals.
I am sure that I might lose more then that but I am
keeping my goal at 25 pounds. I want to move into a
new hundredths place but thats a few more pounds then
25, its actually 36. So there, thats my goal.
Lose 36 pounds by January 9th.  1
I have begun a new exercise routine that I will be starting
as of saturday.
I am going to kick it up and change the way I am eating.
I know that I haven't been drinking enough water.

so, in 17 weeks I want to lose 36 pounds, which is just about
2 pounds a week. Hoping that I don't blow it at thanksgiving
and christmas, I will be right on track.
I need to get my fire back. I lost it just a bit over the summer and
its a time for no excuses.

To the future!!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

no catchy title....

boy, does the devil know how to get at me or what?

         Ever since I have taken a volunteer position at the PRC in SB I have been spiritually attacked on every front. I haven't been attacked like this in a while, so I guess it is about time for attacking.
There are a few areas that I feel I am being completely attacked in. With my weight loss, in my personal/love life (which, lets be honest isn't as full of love as it would seem) and in my attitude.
I have been feeling overly cranky the last couple of days. I feel like it is a combo of lack of sleep, and also just a complete disregard for smoothness in my life. It also feels like this is a cry from God for my attention. I have been putting everything else in front of my relationship with GOd. I haven't been spending enough time with him and I know that.

         Tonight at 5th wednesday, we prayed for healing. During the song "you hold me know" I became overly emotional. It would seem that it is normal, as it is almost a year since my dad died and I am thinking about him more and more each day. We played that song at his funeral and the words are so true, "No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering, you hold me know." As much as I know that my dad and mom aren't in any more pain, it is still hard to live life without them. I miss talking to my dad so much. He always listened to my crazy and would just smile and nod. I know that all of these things happened for a reason. I know that my dad needed to be healed and this is how God chose to heal him.
That was actually one of the things I wrote on my "what I want to see God do in 2012" little did I know that it meant losing him. Even though I see a counselor about all the many things that effect my life, it just seems like this time around, losing my dad has had more of a major effect on my life then it did when I lost my mom. I miss my mom more and more everyday, however there is a permanent ache in my heart for my dad. I spent more time with him and so the hurt is deeper. I have such a blessed and amazing life. I have a family that loves me. I have some of the best friends in the world. I get to go to school and achieve my dreams. God placed me in one fantastic church with believers that support and pray for me regularly. I have a talent that most people wish they had (this has been a phrase I have heard more and more recently) It would seem that in my life, I wouldn't have anything to complain about. I definitely don't. it could be much worse I'm sure. There are just tragedies that I feel could have been left out. My jealousy gets pretty ugly when I think about my friends and the relationships they have with their parents and I think, "geeze, wouldn't that be nice" Word of advice, don't take your parents for granted. Even if they suck. At least they are there.

       I am going to sleep.

The devil thinks hes gonna win this one, he is sadly mistaken.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

emotions are high these days.... still i press on.

This is the last day of my vacation. I am kinda bummed. I have loved getting to be away from all the stress that will be waiting for me when I get back and just sit and think and enjoy silence. I have loved spending time with Matthew and our many little adventures, however I am beginning to miss home.

After talking with Sharon yesterday and getting to see Max for a few mins via facetime, I begun to miss home so much more.

It seems like in the next few weeks our lives are going to be spun out of control. I am deal with these types of events, when Im home, I feel helpless right now being so far away.

It really hit me this morning that my dad is gone. I know that may sound silly, however it has really been in the front of my mind the last few days. I can't stop crying. I guess there is one benefit of being in a starbucks Im not familiar with in that I can cry in the corner and not have to explain it to anyone.

There are so many things that are flooding to my brain right now. Funny thing about being a psychology student, you know what brings all these memories to the forefront. Emotions are such a part of weight loss that you don't think about until you know that, in fact, the stress is not healthy, on the whole, or for any part of weight loss.

lately I have been asking myself a lot of why questions. Not just because I want an answer, because I want to understand the purpose for all of these things and the reasons they are happening. i feel as though I am in a standstill. Almost like running on a tredmill and not going anywhere, no matter how much effort I push forward, I am in the same place.

My head is scattered. I need some air.
going to take a walk and figure it out, maybe cry some more.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

this new chapter.....its a good one.

It seems like my life is ever changing.

It's almost been a year since my dad's been gone and now close to 13years since my mom passed away.

thats a very long time. While sitting at a birthday party yesterday and talking to some of my amazing friends, i realized that there are reasons for everything. Why didn't I realize this sooner? I am a psychology student, this is the stuff I read about and deal with EVERYDAY. Of course there is a trigger for my weight and bad eating habits!!
Why has it taken me this long to figure this out?

Time for some reflection.
          My mom was an amazing cook. Most people where blessed by her cooking. It was how we survived. she could make anything from nothing. She would cook dinner for anyone that would eat. my parents always said, "if you leave hungry, thats your fault" there was always food in our house. We were rather poor growing up and my mom did the best she could, without any type of assistance from the government. My dad worked hard to support us. With help from my family, we got by. When we started going to Centerpoint, my mom started cooking dinners for the "CFB essentials" class. She made dinner once a week at church. It was great, and as anyone knows,"Baptists love to eat!" I was always told to finish what was on my plate and i would, even if i was full. This was our rule. so I obeyed. Looking back on my life as a pre-teen and teenager, I had several different types of, what psychology would count as an eating disorder. I knew that I was gaining weight, and I also loved to eat and once my mom passed away, all i did to fill the emptiness was eat.  It started with binge eating and then starving myself because I ate so much the day before. I would pick at food when I was around my friends and then gorge when I got home. i was comfortable around my family and so I ate with them and was happy. then i did the "salad only" diet. Only eating salads. I ate salad twice a day and then the rest of the time filled my body with diet coke, its diet right? so it has to be healthy? That is a no. I noticed that my clothes were loose again so I must have been doing something right, boy was i mistaken. When i got into high school i joined choir and theater and was so busy during the day that I eventually ended up on the "ham sandwich and cereal diet" where I ate cereal before school, didn't eat at school and would have a ham sandwich when i got home around 10pm depending on what rehearsal I was getting out of. This seemed to be effective as I was losing weight, but not in the right way. When you're 17 you don't think about health, you want to be thin, not healthy. thats for old ladies. I began to maintain my weight with these different techniques I had taught myself. it made sense the the 17 year old me, that if you eat, you get fat, so don't eat and you won't be fat. Live on diet coke and salad and everything will be fine..... that was such a lie. The biggest Lie i have ever believed. As I got older, I realized that I needed to do something, but didn't know what to do. I would work out for a few days and then give up. it was a vicious cycle. When I started working 7 days a week, I was so tired that i didn't have time to eat. i would grab something fast and that was it. I worked/slept/and ate. i worked so much that I started to drop weight from just the stress of work and not sleeping. I didn't mind. I worked at camp so i was walking around the camp up hills and running around the kitchen for 8 hours a day that gaining weight didn't seem to be a problem for me then. i didn't really loose very much, but I was "happy" so it was ok. after working at camp and just working with Max it was the same cycle. didn't eat till the end of the day and i would just pile on the food till I wanted to puke. I had the worst heart burn every night and told my dad i thought i was dying. it was horrible. I didn't know that eating so late, right before bed was doing that to me. It didn't seem to stop me though. I still did that, night after night. it got so bad that the acid started to eat away at my vocal cords. I went through a period where i has such traumatic vocal stress that I lost my voice for almost 3 months. i didn't tell anyone at the time that was what happened but it was. After going to the dr, he told me to stop eating late and I had to do and take all these things to make my voice heal... and it was disgusting and such a process. It was so embarrassing that I just told everyone i had a sever cold and was on meds.... it was sorta true. when I finally got better I didn't eat late for a long time... then my dad died. All of that changed. i didn't do the same things like when my mom died, now i was older and able to buy alcohol. That seemed to make everything better. Well, wouldn't you know that late night drinking will cause you to have heartburn?? it does! geeze, I was right back where i was, Vocal stressed caused by heartburn. Again, i didn't tell anyone. i knew what it was, having just faced it the year before. I didn't want to have to tell anyone that i was grieving by drinking and that i caused the same problem I had before, just with booze this time and not food. Now, you might be thinking, she seems pretty open? not when i don't want anyone to tell me to do something that isn't good for me. I kept that a huge secret. that time in my life has now long passed. I got help and have new ways to deal with grief in my life, or any other type of stressful situation really.
Knowing these triggers have now helped me to understand why my behaviors are the way they are. it's no surprise that going through what I have can do this to a person.

more later....

Saturday, July 28, 2012

vacations..... ugh

well i have been on a sorta vacation for the past week now. House sitting for friends and it's been wonderful.  I do miss my babies and my own bed, however the distracts from my own apartment haven't been missed at much. I have to ability to sit in silence and just relax. The current house Im sitting for has a swing on the front porch. it is so relaxing. It has been nice to sit and swing and relax without any distractions. I just need some lemonade.

I will be leaving for seattle on tuesday!!! I get to see Matthew and spend 8 days away from the heat, even though it hasn't been that hot the last few days. This past year has really been one for the record books. So many different changes, not just including my weight loss, although that has been a huge part of it. Between getting my health and fitness under control as well as finishing up school, working a ton, and volunteering at church my days are rather busy. The one constant in that is the new disciplines I have discovered with eating and exercise. Making daily workouts a major part of my routine has been rather important. it keeps me centered.

 I got some new pants from a friend and I felt like I had gained a few pounds over the last week even though i have been away from my scale I still feel like i might be up a few after our adventures and eating not the greatest. i did need to take a break for a week or so to just relax and let my body recoup!

Monday, July 23, 2012


Had a good, refresher conversation with a friend last night regarding weight loss. It really made me think of all the changes I have made, to just how I approach this whole weight loss journey.

What are the things are most important to me?
My health?
How I look?
What others think about me?
How I see myself over all?

While I like that now I am complimented and I now that others are seeing a change, the fact that I can so tons more now then I could a few months ago is really mind blowing. I never would have been able to hang in a zumba class, or do the intensives for that matter. I would have been so out of breath that even the thought of it would have sent me in to an anxiety attack. I never realized just how embarrassed I was of my weight, and how I didn't, until recently realized the effect it had on me. I am pretty self confident, and am sure of who I am, but this was one area I didn't want to tackle, especially out loud or in public. I have been so lucky to have the people in my life where having a perfect body meant having a friend. I am so grateful that I have real friends, on this journey with me, dealing with the struggles and spurring me on to do my best. I have the best/most supportive friends a girl could ask for. that is really half the battle when conquering weight loss. there needs to be people in your life cheering you on in this race to finish with greatness. That is quite possibly why most people fail. We are meant to be dependent on others and when we don't have someone in our corner, wether it be friends or family, it makes the race that much harder, then it seems as though there are 2 fights to try and win. one usually gives in to the other.
Self image is very important.
How you see yourself, can change everything.

It is all in our perspective.

Friday, July 13, 2012

the future??!??

         Do any of you who are on this weight loss journey with me, or those who have reached your final goal, ever think of what the future will be like? I started thinking about it today. What is my life going to look like when I am not dragging around another persons worth of weight with me wherever I go. I already feel amazing. My heart and lungs are in better shape and each day I inch my way away from being obese. I have very specific goals, most of which revolve around sizes and fitness more then an actual weight number. It isn't about a number for me. right now, watching the scale decrease shows me I'm doing what I need to do. Of course, when the scale doesn't move very much I get a bit discourage, however I know that there are so many things going on in my body, fat melting, muscles growing that I don't focus too much on it.
          I know that most people when they are losing weight don't want to take pictures of themselves out of embarrassment, I get that. I didn't either, I am however glad I did. It has been such a blessing to see how my body is changing and, even though I am not where I want to finish, I am that much closer to the end.
          I have been a bit frustrated that I  have been losing, yet not changing clothing sizes as much as I would like too. It takes time and this whole process has really begun to teach me how to be patient. I have been working so hard that i feel like a nice trade off would be smaller clothes.
         There is a huge sense of pride that comes with losing this much weight. I have always had a pretty good sense of self-esteem, however, my confidence is better then ever. It's even pushing me to do things I would have never thought to do. Dancing is my new thing. I love it! I used to do ballet in high school and when I was younger. I never stuck to it, or much of anything when I was kid, I am sad i didn't keep with it.
        This is what this year is about, getting back to my life and living for me. Taking care of my needs as I have pushed them to the back burner in the past.

Monday, July 9, 2012

so close to 70 pounds.

Today marks my 6 months of this new, life changing journey. I have lost 64.9 pounds, over 20 inches and now 3 pant sizes. 
I still have a lot more to go, but the scale is shifting. I am loving the dance classes I am taking and want to dance all the time. I know that it is building my endurance. I am hoping that the classes I want to take  are available when I have time. I really enjoy them and love having my time to do it. I am starting to actually see myself as a smaller person. I got to buy clothes the other day that were smaller. I have a pair of sweat pants that are an XL and I have a few tank tops that are larges. I can't believe it. It was kinda frustrating to be in a store and being the same size and not being able to buy clothes since i am starting to become the same size as everyone else. Its nice to be smaller, so i guess not being able to buy clothes because they are unavailable will be good for my budget. 

I can't wait to reach my goal. so far I have 180 pounds left to go. Not so bad. It is an entire other person. I have a goal in mind, that isn't a number. I have a size in mind. I am thinking that the smallest I would want to be is like a 10 or 12. it all depends on what my body decides to do really. I was looking at pants at old navy and the 12's looked doable. I don't want to set my self up for failure, however I need something to work for. My next big goal is around my birthday to buy something from forever 21. Went in there the other day and saw a few things i wanted so I'll wait till then to see how far I have gotten to that point. I did get to put on the new shorts I bought and need to fix the buttons.  

Friday, July 6, 2012

Minor road block....ME

I am now 60 less then I was when I started this journey. This is a huge accomplishment for me. This is the first time I have started any type of weight loss program and ACTUALLY stuck with it. These are now habits that I have and am still breaking more that need to be dealt with. 

I am starting to challenge myself and do things I have never done before. Started to take dance classes again as well as zumba and pilates. I feel that the challenge of dancing in front of other people is truly what is going to push me into a greater success in losing weight.  I am hoping that by my birthday i can lose another 20 pounds. I want to be in a 20/22 by then. I have been hovering around the same size for such a long time now and I just want to move onto the next smallest pant size. I have been able to buy smaller clothes which is nice, i just can't seem to get my mid section to shrink! 
I have upped my calories since I hadn't been eating enough and so Im hoping that will help me to kick these pounds!! that and ZUmba! I have the best instructor. She makes it so fun and non-judgy. 

I am a bit a head of schedule when it comes to my goals and I am going to go back over them in a day or two and fine tune them. 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

bye bye 50!! hello 60!

My weight loss goals for 2012: TOTAL weights loss: 237 (50 of this is now GONE!) 

As of this morning, I am now down 50.9 pounds!! this is very exciting! I am so beyond proud of myself. I am in a competition with my friend Jerry to see who can lost the most weight this summer. My original goal is to lose 15 by aug. I also want to lose a total of 30 by my birthday which is in Sept. I know that the 15 is doable, and 30 might be pushing it, however I don't settle for not winning and will be continuing to kick his buns!!! :)
I am thinking about going back over my goals and revising them. I want to reevaluate them and see if there is something I could change or improve. One goal i am adding is running a 5k in November. I have started training and will be able to run 3 miles in no time. Then on to the disneyland marathon! WOOT!! 
I have been in such a great workout zone that i feel so good leaving the gym. my running has improved! i went from running only 30 seconds to a little over 2 mins at a time in just the last week. I started something with myself that i call the Glee challenge. I was watching an episode of glee today while at the gym and each time a song came on i started running. I didn't know how long each song was going to be as it was a new episode and it kept me guessing and pushing to make it to the end. Each time I ran it was a different length and the longest i timed myself was 2 mins 25 seconds. It was great. I also started running at the commercials when they weren't followed by music. It was a great change in intervals and I was able to push myself without watching a clock change. i got so used to knowing I only had to push for so long then it would be over, but with music, especially on glee they change songs so much that you never know if it will be the full length song or just a snippet! I was able to push through and run without the limitation of the watching the clock. I might do this again! 
  1. Lose 30 pounds: (by April 1st 2012) -30 [GOAL ACCOMPLISHED!]
  2. Lose 50 pounds: (by June 1st 2012) -20 [GOAL ACCOMPLISHED 6/17/12]
  3. Lose 65 pounds: (by August 1st 2012) -15 
  4. Lose 90 pounds: (by October 1st 2012) -25
  5. Lose 100 pounds: (by December 1st 2012) -10
  6. Lose 125 pounds: (by February 1st 2013) -25
  7. Lose 145 pounds: (by April 1st 2013) -20
  8. Lose 165 pounds: (by June 1st 2013) -20
  9. Lose 190 pounds: (by September 1st 2013) -25
  10. Lose 215 pounds: (by November 1st 2013) -15
  11. Lose 240 pounds: (by January 1st 2014) – 25
  1. Lose 10% of body weight (37.7) [COMPLETED!!] 
  2. Lose 25% of body weight (94.25)
  3. Lose 50% of body weight (188.5)
  4. Lose 65% of body weight (245.5)
  5. New 10's place [COMPLETED III] [Hit this for the 5th time now] 
  1. Exercise 4 times a week. [COMPLETED]
  2. Getting more sleep. [I have been doing much better about this. ]
  3. Switch up calories between 1200-2100[COMPLETED]
  4. Be able to wear letterman’s jacket again 
  5. Shop in the normal side of target. (size 12 pants size medium/large shirt) [FINALLY OUT OF FAT LADY CLOTHES]
  6. Run a 5K and 10K by December 2012
  7. Train for a marathon in 2013 [started this!]
  8. Drink more water
  9. RUN!!! [im up to 2.5 mins at a time!!!!]
  10. To be the “skinny” friend. (with a sweet rack) 

Friday, June 8, 2012

No june gloom here!

Today was fantastic!!
Went for a walk (2.93 miles) with Patrice this morning. Then took my sweet ass to the gym. Did 45 mins of strength training. Got to stretch out my hips! they are not too happy with all this running I am starting to do... I AM!! I feel so great today. Did my interval training. I started a new one that pushes me a bit more. 10 rounds of running for 45 seconds intermixed with 9 rounds of recovering time of 2 mins. with a 5 min warm up and cool down. I did so much better the second half of my run then I did the first half. I feel my lungs getting stronger. i will do this for 3 more sessions then move on to a min of running and 2.5 mins recovery. it should be interesting to see/feel the change taking place inside my body. I was dripping sweat when I left the gym today and didn't "dry" off until I was almost home. so gross yet awesome!

I have been in such a good mood today that I want to just sing and dance all day long. My brain is clear and I got a lot of school work done today.
Going shopping for a new bathing suit today. hoping to find one at old navy in the not fat side of the store.

Off to dinner.
See you all later!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

am I crazy?

Don't answer that. ahaha
I have begun to start training for a marathon. I ran yesterday and sorta on tuesday. I will run tomorrow after my walking group, which I hope is more successful then the last few times. I ran for a total of 8 mins over 4 intervals. I felt great, and kinda like I was going to die. It was insane. not to mention i was running on the treadmill at the gym. I must really be going out of my mind.. haha
I felt great the rest of the day too and slept like a baby. my hips are super sore today. It was a resting day. i feel good. I did clean my room and bath and closet out today and moved furniture so that wasn't so bad, got some activity in. Thinking about walking with Max later once it gets a bit cooler. He likes it and the dog will need it. My hips are doing better this afternoon as well. Hoping I get paid this weekend I might need to invest in some running shoes and new socks. I seem to have lost a lot of my good ones.
I am hoping that my stamina increases while I am preparing for this marathon. I want to be able to run like everyone else.
I will be cutting out activities that make it difficult to breathe. Which will be difficult, however sacrifices are made for a goal you want to achieve. I need to get a new bathing suit so I can go and swim at the gym as well. i know that will help build my stamina.
Over all this week has been pretty great and i am so glad it summer.

have a great day all!!

Monday, June 4, 2012

my walk to run challenge.

I was using the couch to 5K app and it was too hard for me. So, thanks to my good pal google, I found a website where it gives you tips on how to go from walking to running. it looks and sounds good and has better intervals then c25K. I am going to post it here for everyone so that if you want to start running you can.

  1. Week one: Walk for six minutes, then jog at an easy pace for one minute. Repeat three times. Aim for three sessions with that same sequence for week one.
  2. Week two: Walk for five minutes, then jog for two minutes. Repeat three times. Aim to do three sessions in week two.
  3. Week three: Walk for three minutes, then jog for four minutes. Repeat four times. Aim for three sessions in week three.
  4. Week four: Walk for two minutes, then jog for five minutes. Repeat four times. Shoot for three of those sessions in week four.
  5. Week five: Walk for two minutes, then jog for eight minutes. Repeat three times. Do three of those sessions in week five.
  6. Week six: Walk for two minutes, then jog for nine minutes. Repeat three times. Try to do three sessions for week six.
  7. Week seven: Walk for one minute, then jog for 11 minutes. Repeat three times. Do three sessions this week.
  8. Week eight: Congratulations on making it to week eight! For your first run this week, try walking for five minutes to begin and end the workout, and run for 20 minutes in between. By the end of the week, try to run for 30 minutes without stopping.


Ok. So, this morning as I got on the scale and I haven't seen much of a change in the last 2 weeks. I have a goal on my list and the next one is a total of 50 pounds by June 1st.... that has now come and gone and I am 5 pounds away from my goal. They are flexible, but man I would have loved to have been down the whole 50 by last friday. Started off my summer break and week off right by going to the gym and walking up hill as fast as I could for 20 mins and then doing some weights. my arms got a great workout and I'm hoping that by the end of this week I will have lost a pound or 2. My July goal is to be into a size 22 pain by then. I am not sure how that is going to go. I tried them on today and I got them up just not buttoned. So, maybe by the end of the month i will down to that pant size. i am super anxious to wear all the "new" clothes I got from sharon and those pants are 20/18's.... I want to be there ALREADY. thinking about doing a few night workouts as well. Hope my church peeps don't mind me showing up stinky :)
I am looking into finding different ways to lose this belly fat. It is my one area I can't seem to lose fast enough. any ideas?

Why is it so difficult to be happy for people who are losing weight faster then I am? I am so many answers in my head, however I would love to hear what any of you have to say about it.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

bye bye ass and thighs.

Since I have been steadily losing weight one things seems to be that my buns and legs are getting thinner then the rest of me. Its nice. I love how my legs and buns are starting to look. I need some tips on losing weight in my belly which is my problem area. What should I be doing at the gym or at home that will help shed the pounds in the middle. I am not comfortable doing tummy exercises in the gym so anything  I can do at home would be so helpful.

I am so proud of some of my most recent accomplishments. First, I have been doing some type of activity that burns calories each day. Even when I don't make it to the gym I am still walking, or riding a bike or whatever I seem to get myself into these days. Last night at grad night I ran a bit with the students and even pushed the wheel chair most of the night and wasn't tired, or sore or anything. my feet hurt, thats my fault. I often make horrible shoe choices... my back hasn't felt better in a few months. i can feel how strong my body is getting and it is wonderful. My endurance alone is mind blowing. I can run and move better then I have been able to in years and I am so proud of myself.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

GOals....accomplished.... well, almost. :)

Well, I was looking over my goals and I am almost to my next big weight loss goal which is another 20 pounds by june 1st. (remember, these are all tentative and I won't be disappointed if they aren't met within time) these goals I gave myself and with that freedom comes flexibility. :) I am now 5.6 pounds away from losing 50 pounds, which is a huge goal for me!!! I am right on track and couldn't feel better!!! Between vemma and walking I am a machine. I will start back with a regular gym schedule now that I will have extra gas money for that. I miss the weight machines, but so stoked that it doesn't take a gym to do cardio! I am now at the weight I was before I lost my job 3 years ago!
My back is doing so much better today too. I have been taking it easy and am now ready to get back in action. I also can't wait till saturday when I get to go see a dodger game and feel the difference it will be in the seats. I am noticing that more. I feel so much thinner over all that even sitting in places where the seats where tight, they are now loose and I KNOW, it will only get better from here. :)

My next big number goal is 15 pounds by august 1st. I know that is totally possible, especially with how summer is looking with lots of walking and swimming, i am sure there will be more then just 15 pounds that go floating away. I can't wait also for my body shaping that will help build my muscles and kick up the weight loss, or at least help me lose inches! I don't care about numbers so much anymore as I do what size clothes I'm wearing. There isn't anyone in the world, that I know of that can look at me as say,
"oh, you weigh this much" it is obvious when you wear an XL over a SMALL. It's all about perception. I do look at weight loss to make sure I am on the right track, however if my clothes are getting smaller that is the real goal.

got to take a walk yesterday for the first time in a week after hurting my back. It was so nice to be outside and doing something I love.


Many have asked, so here it is. Recipe for pulled steak tacos in a cabbage leaf!

1 head of cabbage
1 london broil or type of meat.
1/4 cup shredded cheese light.
1 Tomato
1 Avocado

1. Take any cut you life of london broil or any other type of meat.
2. Season and brown in a pan for 3 mins each side.
3. Place meat in crock pot on low for 4-6 hours or until tender and cooked.
pull meat apart.
4. Pull core out of cabbage and detach the leaves keeping them whole. (sometimes this takes time)
5. In a "shell" place meat, cheese and nuke in Micro for 20 sec to make cheese melt and soften the cabbage a bit. (optional)
6. Add tomatos and avocado.
7. enjoy.

The calories mostly come from the meat, cheese, and avocado.
Keep it low in cals by using less cheese and lean meats!

I hope everyone enjoys this. I will be posting more recipes as I come across them!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


I am totally hooked on this stuff called Vemma. It has to be one of the best weight loss supplements around. It has tons of protein and vitamins in it that help you feel full and satisfied even through out the whole day. I have been taking this stuff since thursday of last week and I have lost 3.1 pounds. I have been watching my carb intake. Making sure I drink enough water and walking a bunch. These are all the things I was doing before, just now i am fuller, longer and don't need to snack as often. I fully stand behind this product and love the effects and how I feel after I've taken it.

True Testimonial: Last tuesday i had really horrible sleep the night before, tons of homework and was feeling just run down and awful. around 3:30pm sharon asked me how I was feeling and I told i just didn't feel like myself. she gave me a Bod*e Burn and within 10-15 mins I was feeling 100% percent better. I have to say that I was a bit skeptical about all of this and not sure I wanted to take something to help me lose weight since i have been doing really well already, why add something that I am not sure how it will help me. I haven't wanted to take any type of diet pill because I know that if I am going to lose weight, I am going to do it on my own. No gimmicks, no cheating. Not to say that you can't use something as a booster, however I wanted to know that I could do it on my own and learn how to eat and exercise of my own free will.

This system works. I have seen the results in my own life in less then a week and I am in love.
If anyone is interested in getting started, let me know. I would love to help you get the body you want in the time you want.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

it's almost June??

I can't believe it's almost June! Where has the time gone. half way through this year. I am almost to my half way goal for this year. I want to loose 100 pounds by december. I feel that it is doable. I know that if i don't reach that I am still successful as i have lost more pounds this year then before and my goal for this year was to get healthy, so here I am. I have been so successful, minor speed bumps here and there, however over all I am better off today then I was this time last year.

This is such a long journey that at times, it seems like I just want to throw in the towel and be done with it. Then I think of how far I have come and I can't do that to myself. I love how I am feeling and I know that it will only get better.

I have also decided to take the focus off the scale and focus more on how my clothes feel. I am more muscle then fat and it can be discouraging. I am going to only be weighing myself every 2 weeks from now on. I want to be able to see a bigger difference and checking once a week hasn't been showing me a change I want to see. I haven't been gaining, however i have been fluctuating between a few pounds, some of which i discovered is from not drinking enough water the last few days, and with the so cal heat I now I need to keep drinking more.

I am hoping that after trying my new eating plan and drinking more water after a few weeks i will start to see some results. Im going to be going to nothing processed unless absolutely necessary. I want to try to stay away from fast food and just eat healthy. Fast food is my enemy and weakness. I have been doing pretty well, however there are days when I just go for it and feel miserable afterward. I have started keeping shakes in my car and using those when friends want to go out to eat and I don't think Ill be able to find anything healthy there.

Its all a change of mind.

Good day all!

Sunday, May 6, 2012


Happy Birthday Centerpoint.
What a great morning fellowshipping with other church family and eating!! I did pretty well this morning. Only had a hamburger, chips and a water. Not so bad.
I will have cake tonight, make no mistake of that. Im starting to feel a bit hungry. I grab so poco loco before church.
Finished my homework and am enjoying the weather outside while I blog. I love watching palm trees blow in the wind and soak up the sun.
Got to walk around and got some activity in so that was nice. Walk off the burger and chips. Is there a workout on MFP that counts for standing? I did a lot of that today. and talking. Im sure I burn a ton of calories talking!! :)
Have a great sunday!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

starbucks saturdays.

I love my local starbucks. They are all so friendly. I also love that they have pretty low cal snacks. I can't get enough of the turkey and swiss sandwich these days. it is rather filling and only 360  and 33 grams of protein. so its a pretty good lunch. I may have had one for breakfast :)
i wish I could find the bread they use. it is so tasty. It's hard to find good bread that doesn't taste like cardboard and is still good for you. What is that about? whole wheat is supposed to be good for you? so then why is it so HIGH in calories? i guess the more important question I should be asking is why am I SO ADDICTED TO CARBS? even though with watching my calories I have been doing rather well with not eating as many and still not feeling deprived. :)


I am so glad that when I got on the scale this morning I had lost 7.6 pounds total from last friday. I knew there were are few things going against me the last few weeks, water gain, muscle, and of course that dreaded TOM. I was so discouraged that I didn't care what the reasons were I wanted those pounds gone and fast.
They are now gone and I have dropped into a new 10's place. So excited. Trucking along.

Trying to find the time in my busy saturday to go to the gym before going to a wedding and lunch and then grocery shopping. I might die from being pulled in so many directions. I guess it's just one day and I won't die from it. :)

sdjflsdkf(thats from Leo, he's saying Hi! as he steps all over my computer making this difficult.)

going to rewrite my goals tomorrow and make some short term ones. I feel most of them are too long term and that might be adding to my discouragement.

Made it through the volunteer dinner without blowing my calories or sanity. I did great. had a few tacos, and some sweets and managed to have self control when being stared in the face with cookies, cake and brownies and my baptist urge to eat and socialize. :)

I am .6 pounds away from being at 40 pounds lost! YIKES. that is so exciting and yet I find it hard to get rid of my "Fat" clothes. I know I need to. I love my clothes and hate giving them away. I have a home for them so thats not so bad. I just love them but can't wait to start buying new, smaller ones. I got so many complements tonight from other volunteers that I was grinning from ear to ear. It's nice to hear that others can see a change in me not only physically but also mentally. I am in such a good place that even when the devil thinks he's going to get me, I have another thing coming for him!
I love all the support I have that NOTHING will take this away from me. My journey is far to great to let little set backs get to me.

I think I'll go to micheals and get some charms for my new charm bracelet.  I can't wait for it to arrive!!!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Things are looking up.

Taking a break from homework to blog a bit.

This week and last I have felt out of sorts. I got a bit discouraged after that gain and I just can't seem to get over it. I have fluctuated weight since I started lose weight. It hasn't seemed to bug me until now. So, why in the last 4 months am I so upset about it? I can't figure out why. I have since lost that stubborn 5 pounds and still, i am a bit upset still. Maybe because this has been my biggest set back from the beginning? As a psychology student I sit here trying to figure it all out. Since friday I have lost 5.8 pounds. I got my eating back on track and working out harder then ever. It has certainly paid off.

Yesterday I was going through my storage unit and I found a bag of clothes that didn't fit any more and I couldn't bare to get rid of them. I put on a few things and the one I wanted to have more then ever was a dodger shirt I bought back around christmas time and now it finally fits. I was so STOKED. I put it on right away and was sad it wasn't warmer so I could strut around in it. Knowing that I can still wear some of my favorite clothes for a bit now that they fit was like shopping all over again. I got to have a great little heart to heart with a good friend of mine and it made my night. Having people that love me and care about me is incredible. Knowing there is someone else that has been through what I'm going through makes life easier and I'm glad to not be the one needed to relate and take care of everyone else.  I am so blessed with the best church family around.

Made the best, low cal lasagna last night. Crushed red peppers can really make a meal.

1 pound ground turkey
prego heart healthy sauce
1 cup reduced fat shredded cheese
1/4 parmesan cheese
12 whole wheat lasagna noodles (uncooked)

cook up the ground turkey with lemon pepper, crushed red pepper and garlic salt. to taste, i never measure spices. (I try to cook out all of the water so it doesn't water down the sauce.)
after the meat is cooked, I added in the sauce and let it simmer for about 10 mins. let all the flavors cook together.
In a crock-pot I pour in about a 1/4 cup of sauce without the meat. (i usually need to put some water in the jar and shake it, i use that sauce for the bottom of the crock-pot)
Each layer of lasagna has 3 noodles broken to fit the shape of the crock-pot. after the noodles, add a layer of meat sauce. then a thin layer of cheese. continue this 3 more times. at the top of the lasagna, add the rest of the cheese as well as the parmesan cheese. Cook on high for 2 hours or until you can pierce a knife through the lasagna without resistance. Once it's cook, keep on warm and serve when ready. it takes less then 10 mins to prep and can cook while you do other things. It was a huge hit last night. Our crock-pot makes about 14 servings which is about 1 cup of lasagna and its about 229 calories a serving. It is very healthy, and has little sodium and high protein. One thing I didn't do last night that I usually do is put veggies in the meat. i didn't think about it but thats another way to add good stuff to your food, and if you have picky kiddos, they never notice them when they have been through the food processor and cook down.  I hope you try it an enjoy!

I'll try to post other recipes when I think about it! :)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Happy Wednesday!!

It's been a few days since I have posted. I have been fighting a few pounds that have been looming over me. I know that I have been doing weight lifting and that adds weight, when you sit around and everyone around is dropping a pound here and there it becomes depressing. I can focus on the positive and move forward. I have been afraid to try on my smaller sized pants because these pounds have been haunting me and yesterday I bit the bullet and put them on. THEY FIT. I couldn't believe it. They are actually a bit loose on me. That makes me so happy, I have a goal outfit that I want to be able to wear to the hello kitty dodger game on july 1st and I can see that I am on the right track.

Working out 5 days a week and eating right is really the ONLY way to lose weight and be successful. I have had several people ask me about what I'm doing and how I am doing it and really it is common sense. I eat right,  I workout and I try to get enough sleep. besides starving myself and taking diet pills that is the only way I can effectively lose weight and keep it off.

I find that even on days when I don't eat so great, I am still no where near eating the way I used to. We all have our days where we fail. However, knowing how much support I have to keep me going is the only reason I have been successful. The key is to be honest with yourself. If you can't admit that you have a problem with eating, food, like any other type of addiction needs to be confronted with honesty and accountability. Having an accountability partner, someone you can call or text and be honest with about exercise and eating. Without this, most people, including myself have and will fail.

As someone that has struggled with their weight for the most of their lives, I completely understand how hard this process is. Losing weight is not something that happens over night. I didn't gain all this weight over night, I can't expect to lose it this way either. Wanting to wake up and be skinny only sets you up for failure.  It is hard to think that one day I won't look this way.
I have come to know my chubby figure and face for quite some time now. It is so strange to me to even see pictures from 40 pounds ago and seeing a huge difference. I don't know if I can or will ever see my self as a skinnier version. I want to think that I will, but it is hard to tell.

I even look at pictures of myself from years ago when I was thinner and I don't ever remember what that felt like. i know this is going to take some time. It will be interesting to see how others start to interact with me when Im thinner. I try to think that my personality won't change, how can anyone be for certain that they will stay the same. Situations change personalities and I would hate to think that I would be that type of person. I have my morals and my own beliefs that will keep me grounded.

I already have pretty high self esteem, it will be interesting to see just how much that increases with the change in my body.

Enough for now.
Have a great wednesday everyone!

Monday, April 23, 2012

stubborn 5 pounds.

Its now monday, my "official" weigh in day. I am still floating in the upper range then where I was a few days ago. Went to disneyland and walked around for 3 hours and got some exercise in for the day. I will be hitting the gym tomorrow. I am aware of the weight that comes from TOM and from not having enough water and all that. I did pretty well yesterday eating wise and even today. I haven't even began to eat like i used to before. I have a binge here and there but none of the "just today and tomorrow will change" days. Each day is new, and I am so grateful for that.
My knees are feeling better and not sore like they were yesterday. Standing was miserable yesterday, and with the heat, I was extra cranky. I didn't get that much sleep last night and on our way home from disenyland i had to take a nap because I was so tired. So thankful lissa drove and I was able to nap a bit. I am still tired and ready for an early night. I get so exhausted from the weekends I can't even think straight on mondays. They are the worst days. I might change my weigh in days because I don't want to be depressed starting the week. Maybe fridays?
There are times when I just need to say no and go home. But I never do. what is wrong with me? Oh well. That is one thing I guess I need to keep working on. I love hanging out with my friends and when I get home I just stay up anyway so I guess its dumb either way.

I am still kinda cranky and feel like crying. Not sure why. emotions are stupid. I hate them and the fact and sometimes I cry and it doesn't make sense, then im mad because its normal that it doesn't make sense... #girlproblems.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

2012 GOALS.

So I decided to post my goals so I can celebrate the WINS with all of you.
I am so excited that I will get to get 3 charms for my charm bracelet in a few weeks. Not sure which ones I want, but I know they will be an amazing addition to my new DODGER charm bracelet.  I have accomplished 3 so far! I am so excited. What a great reminder of how far I have come. 
My weight loss goals for 2012: TOTAL weights loss: 237

  1. Lose 30 pounds: (by April 1st 2012) -30 [GOAL ACCOMPLISHED!]
  2. Lose 50 pounds: (by June 1st 2012) -20 
  3. Lose 65 pounds: (by August 1st 2012) -15
  4. Lose 90 pounds: (by October 1st 2012) -25
  5. Lose 100 pounds: (by December 1st 2012) -10
  6. Lose 125 pounds: (by February 1st 2013) -25
  7. Lose 145 pounds: (by April 1st 2013) -20
  8. Lose 165 pounds: (by June 1st 2013) -20
  9. Lose 190 pounds: (by September 1st 2013) -25
  10. Lose 215 pounds: (by November 1st 2013) -15
  11. Lose 240 pounds: (by January 1st 2014) – 25

  1. Lose 10% of body weight (37.7) [COMPLETED!!] 
  2. Lose 25% of body weight (94.25)
  3. Lose 50% of body weight (188.5)
  4. Lose 65% of body weight (245.5)
  5. New 10's place [COMPLETED III]

  1. Exercise 4 times a week. [COMPLETED]
  2. Getting more sleep.
  3. Switch up calories between 1200-2100[COMPLETED]
  4. Be able to wear letterman’s jacket again 
  5. Shop in the normal side of target. (size 12 pants size medium/large shirt) [FINALLY OUT OF FAT LADY CLOTHES]
  6. Run a 5K and 10K by December 2012
  7. Train for a marathon in 2013
  8. Drink more water
  9. RUN!!!
  10. To be the “skinny” friend. (with a sweet rack) 

what are your frustrations?

Waking up this morning to find that I had somehow in 1 single day gained just over 3 pounds was rather frustrating to me.

Now, I can be a rather sensible person and also rather logical. I know that there are many factors playing a part in this weight gain. 1. I am, even now at 3:20pm almost 24 hours after my 5k I am still dehydrated. I feel aweful. I can't seem to get enough water into me. Since I've been up for about 8 hours I've had over 100 ounces of water. I am still so very thirsty. I am trying to stay cool with A/C and what not, it isn't very easy. It seems that all I am doing today is drinking water. 2. I am still on my period (sorry TMI for all you men, if any, that might be reading this) :] I know that it is natural to gain a few and be bloated for a few days and that shows on the scale. 3. Going to a friends how and having homemade chinese food and not actually keeping track of every thing I was eating. Its ok to splurge here and there and I haven't been able to do that on something I really wanted to in a long time. There is that part of our brains that see a negative changes and get discouraged and want to quit. That is not the case for me. I am still determined, more then ever to get to the gym. I did promise to take 2 days and rest. I am super sore from the 5k and walking outside that my knees need to rest. I have spent the last 2 weeks at the gym with no breaks and now is a good time to do that.

In other news, the Autism Speaks Walk Now for Autism was yesterday and it was so AWESOME. It was a great route and I wish I lived closer so that I could walk it more often. SO many people out for the cause, even a few celebrities. Even though max wasn't having any of it we all still had a good time and I got the beginnings of my summer skin. I can't wait for next year.

It was very weird waking up and not going to the gym right away. It has started to become a habit. I love my time there where I can walk and not think about anything. It is my only glimpse into seeing what its like to be a man and not think about anything for any period of time. I have a blister on my toe that needs to heal and these few days will do just that.

Its a happy sunday here, hope everyone is having a great one as well.

Friday, April 20, 2012

WEEK 2 working out is the business.

April 20th, 2012 3:14pm

Today marks the 2 weeks I have faithfully gone to the gym everyday and worked out for at least a half hour. I made a goal at the beginning of the month that I would try to go 10 miles a week. Thats a little under 1.5 miles a day. I have been averaging about 2.5 every day in just under an hour. I feel great each time I leave the gym. I am full of energy and my mind is clear. I am able to think clearly and go about my day relatively stress free.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with Spinal Stenosis. It is a rare back disorder where the spin curves inward instead of outward at the bottom. This causes lots of other problems. For starters, obesity is top on the list, as well as frequent nerve damage and nerve pain, which can cause my limbs to go numb for a period of time for no reason. I have several spots on my legs and toes where there is permanent damage and numbness all day long. My doctor prescribed a nerve medication and that didn't work so I stopped taking them. I had such bad back pain that even walking around at work was difficult and I hated my life. I asked my doctor what to do and he just kept giving me more pain meds and kept telling me I was fat. After taking every diet pill i could get my hands on legally and the advice of my doctor was to cut calories and not exercise as it would irritate my back and cause harm. Well, its now 6 years later and my back is perfectly fine. I walk/run 2-3 miles a day and lift weights. I have no back pain and no need to see my chiropractor either. When I would walk long distances my back would burn so bad that I wanted to cry.

I have been relatively active most of my life. Im not a marathon runner or anything, however while in high school I was active with choir and drama and it seemed like every year my classes couldn't have been more spread out all over campus. As time went on, I wasn't as active and working in an office you start to get, as my father used to say, the secretary's spread. All I did working in an office was eat and sit. When I started working at camp, I became more active and walked around all over the place. Lost some weight, not a ton. That has been my life, on and off, losing weight and gaining it back. I finally reached a point now where I want to keep losing and never get it back.

Going to the gym everyday keeps me sane.
I get to have time to just think and clear my head. It seems like my days are easier, ( not all the time, but more often then not.) and I am so much happier. it is worth the investment of going everyday to keep my sanity.

As of today, Im 37.9 pounds lighter, my BMI is down 9.6 percent and I have lost over 10 inches on my waist and hips.

Tell me your weight loss stories... I would love to hear them.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My weight loss journey. 4/19/2012

I have decided to write and share tips about my new found desire to workout and be healthy. It is definitely a new desire, as I am now addicted to it!!

I want to share my experiences and daily in's and out's with the hopes of being able to help those who need it and to gain insight to my new found addiction. That sounds so bad using the word addiction, I can't seem to find another word for it. ( if you find a new one, let me know )   :-]

here, to begin my blog I will post the advice I have given a few people in the last few weeks and they have all started losing weight!! Its awesome to see people taking their health into their own hands and finding results.

I am not a doctor or any type of professional, however I am a professional dieter and have been researching the subject for quite a while.

I have been trying to eat every 3 hours. Small meals. The last few weeks I've been on vacation and sleeping in and that has changed. But usually I eat a small breakfast. Usually eggs and a carb. Usually a piece of bread. And a fruit. With lots of water. Right now my favorite thing to drink is lemon or lime water with a Splenda. Sorta like lemonade but no calories. I am not a huge water fan but drinking it with lime or lemon I drink lots more. My goal  for water is 100 ounces. I have a 25 ounce bottle and I drink at least 1 while I work out and 3 through out the day. Mostly when I'm eating. It also helps me to be full faster then with just eating. 
Breakfast(8am) eggs or cereal. With bread an fruit. 
Snack(10am) protein and a fruit. No carbs. (this is usually after I work out) 
Lunch (1pm) salad with fruit. And usually cheese and other add ins like tomatoes and cucumbers. I will also have either a half a sandwich or soup. 
Snack(3pm) is a protein and a fruit or veggie. Try to stay away from the carbs. 
Dinner(5:30pm) something with lots of protein and a big salad. 

I try not to eat later then 6pm because I have found that eating earlier my food has longer to digest and I will lose weight over night. I work out 3-5 days a week. 30-60 mins of cardio depending on how much time I have to work out. 
I do weight machines on my arms and legs on alternating days. 

The key is taking it one day at a time. Also drink lots of water. As you burn fat it turns to water and that causes water weight gain. 
Drinking water flushes out Your system and promotes more weight loss.  :)

Tell me what you have been doing and what your goals are. 
1-2 pounds a week is normal weight Loss. I always plan on at least one and if there's more then awesome. Sometimes our body's plateau and that's normal as well. 

I'm not a pro and I fail at times. This program does work. I've done everything under the sun and this I the first time I've been successful. 
I also make sure to have a day where I cheat a bit. This helps keep your body guessing an changing your calories weekly does as well. 
I eat between 1200-1800 calories a week. I also try not to eat the calories I've burned. 

Here are some of my tips. I will be adding more every couple of days to document my loses and goals.